Billy the Exterminator

So, I'd seen little previews for this show on A&E, but I hadn't watched it at all until today. I was bored at home and randomly selected it from the On Demand menu...wow...I just have one thing to say about it:

Billy the Exterminator is black-clothed, studded leather, black cowboy hat-wearing, bad-ass mullet hillbilly porn. Oh. Em. Gee. The extermination animal stuff is interesting, but I'm all about the chains. **swoon**

The Ice Queen

I find the way Angelina Jolie has aged to be very interesting. When she was very young, newly discovered, she looked like any other teenager. Of course she was almost unbearably pretty, but she looked fresh and playful on top of the smoldering sensuality that has always been her trademark physical characteristic.

Age 16

Halloween Music

Hello, all! I've been working a ton, and when I'm not working I want to sit and vegetate on the couch. All very well and good, but unfortunately I don't have much to blog about. But~~

HALLOWEEN IS COMING! Yay!! I can hardly wait...I've already requested it off from work. ^_^ And today I made a silly little mix on Youtube of songs that I think fit the Halloween vibe. They are either creepy-sounding, explicitly Halloween-themed, or both. And a couple other songs I threw in, just because I can. Hope you enjoy!

I love Michelle Rodriguez too!

Dorothy Surrenders: My Weekend Crush: "Oh Michelle, Michelle. I have not seen “Machete” yet. But my reluctance has nothing to do with Michelle Rodriguez. In fact, M-Rod is pretty ..."

HNT~I Wish I Was A Pin-Up Girl

More after clicky-link! No nudity this time. =)

Things Bears Love

Hello everyone! I know you're all excited that I'm posting something new on my blog, but alas, I'm just here to tell you to go over to Things Bears Love.

I was inspired to post this after a serendipitous series of events, foremost of which was an in-depth conversation with my good buddy, Brucey Dickinson. He's my fabulous internet penpal, and he likes to hike. One day we were talking about backpacking, and why I don't do it (as if hefting a backpack over hill and dale wasn't reason enough), and the subject of bears came up.

"Oh heh heh," he said, "bears never bother me at all. And if they did, I would simply scare them away by waving my jacket and singing."

I didn't have much to contribute to the conversation, except to say that I didn't think that a little bit of jacket-waving and Cher-yodeling would frighten a death-proof murder-machine like a bear. And now, HERE'S THE PROOF. Things Bears Love, featuring a picture of me in a backpack as Exhibit the First.

And now you know why I don't go backpacking. It's because they're out there, watching me.

Yay for me, I have an Unwanted Admirer

Ok, sooooo, last night was an interesting one for me. I was working at the drive-thru window at Starbucks, when this man comes up to the menu to order. He got like two drinks and then when I asked what else I could get for him, he said, "You. Are you on the menu?" So I thought he was just being fresh for laughs, asked if he wanted any other food or drinks, and then told him his total. When he pulled up, I saw that there was a young lady and a kid in his car, so I asked him how he could be so scandelous with a lady in his car. Alas! the young lady turned out to be his 17-year-old daughter! I leaned out and asked her what she thought about her father's behavior...and she replied that she just wants him to be happy. Gah! So dude is all giving me googlie-eyes and stuff, just being really ridiculous. I told him that if he has a 17-year-old child, he's too old for me (...kinda a lie...PM-P was like 15 years older and her oldest child is 19...but he doesn't need to know that!). He was completely unfazed. Well, they left and I thought that was the end of it...UNTIL...it was just me and Jenny closing, sometime after 9, and we were almost done when she came from the back room and told me I had a phone call! "Some guy named Michael," she said. "What?! I don't even know some guy named Michael!" Well, she said he hadn't seemed sure of my name, and sure enough, it was the dude. He said, "Hi, it's Michael." and I replied, "Oh, that bad man?" I was actually kinda rude to him, because he was all telling me that he knows what he wants and all that, and I told him, "Whatever, dude! You were throwing game at me before you even saw what I looked like!"  He thought that was just hilarious, and he told me that he has seen me before and he remembers my voice. O.o Creepy! He then asked if he could have my number so that he could text me or call. Yeah right! As if I would give him my number, even if I was single and available! But I just told him that I wasn't comfortable giving him my number. I told him to find me on FB, but he "doesn't have Facebook because he is a business man and doesn't have time for that." Sucks to be him! LOL I told him, well, sorry, and he could see me in the store if he wants. And then I (kinda bitchily) shut him down and told him I had to get back to work. Ewww! I have a stalker! Man, all the girls in the store seem to have at least one. Gross.

The King of Rockabilly!

Friday night, my boifriend and I got to go see a fantastic live show at Thee Parkside in San Francisco. I was trolling Craigslist, looking for friends and stuff to do, and I found an ad advertising The Mighty Slim Pickins. Seeing phrases like, "rowdy gig," "Foxy Miss Roxy," "Elvis Herselvis," "homo-country style," and "queer burlesque," I knew that this would be just up my alley, and boy! was I right! I haven't had so much fun in ages.

The venue was a fabulous dive bar, Thee Parkside, with a nice patio area, good local beer on tap, and a sweet little stage area. It was full of queers galore, lots of them in groovy rockabilly clothes. I felt right at home! Just people-watching was a treat, but then the band got up to play. The Mighty Slim Pickins bills themselves as "SF's fave all queer, high camp, what-the-f%!k-a-billy band," a description that I couldn't top if I sat here and thought about it. The band consisted of Leigh Crow (Elvis Herselvis, photo above) on guy vocals, Nettie Hammar on doll vocals, Roxane Chicoine (Foxy Miss Roxy, who tore UP the upright bass), Jen Gandy on guitar, and Edan "Heartattack" Uscilowski on the drums (dreamboat!). Their songs were original numbers written by members of the band, and their show was the funniest, campiest, most sexy and entertaining live act I've ever come across.

Click the link for more pics and video!

At Last!

I have a job!!! Yay! At Starbucks ^_^ I am so thrilled! I really like the people I've met there so far, and training is fun. Today was my second day (I had to go in at 4:30 am...*diediedie*) and I already know how to brew the coffee LOL Anyway, I just wanted to share my happiness with my loyal readers. It's about damn time!

Oh yeah. Britney is a fan.

Quote of the Day

"...So you WANT the feather dance?"

Quote of the Day

"We are going to need some lube, and a positive attitude." It made me tee-hee, which I quite enjoyed.

Look! JBeibs is Patriotic!

Toby Keith - A Little Too Late

This one goes out to the ones I'm trying to forget.

Happiness is...

...a soft kitten sleeping on your lap.

HNT~Dyke March

This past weekend was Pride in San Francisco! I went to the Dyke March on Saturday, and it was AWESOME!! So many hot, hot lesbians of all stripes, plus straight folks, gay boys, and trans guys and girls. During the march itself, people in houses along the route were cheering, holding up signs, and throwing stuff like beads and candy to the marchers. It just blew my mind that there were so many straight families with kids and everything, waving and cheering, and just enjoying the fun. I wish people everywhere could be so supportive of those of us who are different.

Anyway...I have a picture of me with my shirt off, which it was for most of the march. Click the link to see!

HNT~Glamazon

Hello! For this Half-Nekkid Thursday, I was playing around with my fabulous red libstick and my new gel eyeliner. I took some pictures (with the trusty webcam) of me in my black lace panties and bra, just for your enjoyment. There are more after the clicky-link!

My Heart Belongs to Daddy

**Disclaimer**

The following post discusses a certain aspect of my sexuality, and while not graphic, may not be something some people (...family...) want to know. If that sounds like you, just pass this one over. If you are interested, click the "Read More!"

JBeibs and Kim Kardashian

I don't know who is luckier...her or him...**die**

Straight People

I'm in California at the moment. I've been here since last Friday, for my little sister's high school graduation and then a family vacation to Yosemite. It's been mostly fabulous...the graduation was great, Yosemite was breath-taking, and spending time with my two sisters, my mother, and my stepdad has been fun.

However, I noticed a strange thing that hit me almost as soon as my flight touched down in San Francisco: I feel really weird when I am in groups of heteros. Yeah, I know. How strange is that? But I've noticed that when I have been out-and-about with my family on this trip, I'll have a vague, undefined uncomfortable feeling until I see one or more homos. Then I'm like, "YES! MY PEOPLE!" and I have to fight down the urge to run over to them in relief.

I don't get it. Something must be wrong with me or something! =P And it's not that I don't love my family (I do) or that they embarrass me in public (they don't) or anything like that. I think it's a result of, for the first time in my life, my having been hanging out with fellow queers almost exclusively for the last 6 or 9 months at least. I still have my wonderful straight friends, but with football and all that, I just spend way more time with The Gays.

How novel. I kinda like it.

Abba-Lay All Your Love on Me

Pretty much how I feel at the moment. Not a bad way to feel. =D

The Woes of Unemployment

Seriously? Why won't anyone hire me?? I mean, for real??? I am SICK of not working! And I have applied like everywhere! Even Walmart doesn't want me. What's up with that? I have work experience doing a variety of different things, I have a GREAT record for job reliability/attendance, I'm smart, learn fast, and I work well with others. But yet I have no place to live, no job, no car, no phone, and no prospects for improvement. Gaaaahhhhh!! I am so frustrated!

Happiness is...

...a full belly and a warm lover.

"Fun tomboyish lesbian looking for someone special."

I found this on Craigslist. It's my ex, Karen, and when I saw the title I just KNEW it was her. Just call it my bullshit detector going off or something.

I am a well dressed, slender(about 118lbs.), athletic, sexy. fun and outgoing tomboyish girl. Trying to find a slender/athletic/average attractive femme girl for friends or more. I have a full time job, my own 2 bedroom place, and I love to cook. I love to watch movies, going out, enjoy outdoors (such as hiking and camping), I'm a great cuddler and love to have someone to share that with. I'm not from tennessee so it's been hard trying to find that special someone. If interested send a pic and put "Hey sexy" in the subject line, lol. I smoke and drink but no drugs, I'm cool if you are 420 friendly but my job is important to me so I don't do drugs. I'm ddf wish for someone the same. Looking for something serious but want to get to know someone first, no fake people. If you want send me your number and I'll text ya with mine then we can go from there :) NO MEN OR COUPLES!

HNT~Fun With Photobooth

Hello, bois and girls, here for your viewing pleasure are some half-nekkid pictures of yours truly taken on my fabulous Mac. As usual. But I added some fun effects, just because I can. They can be found after the break...just click to see!

I'm Back....Sorta....

Wow, I can't believe that it has been more than half a month since I posted on here last time! Which means it's been almost that long since I moved/got booted out of my lovely duplex, my home of the last two-and-a-half years. One of my ex-girlfriends let me come live on her couch. I'm so grateful for that! We broke up a loooooong time ago, so we're cool with each other now and there's no drama. She did give me a deadline to either find a job by or find another couch to sleep on, but that's fair.

I really like where she lives. It's in a pretty, leafy, hilly residential area. There is a mix of single-family homes and houses that have been split into two or three apartments. Oh, and LOTS of homos live in the area! Which probably explains why it's such a pretty neighborhood. The gays love their home decor and you know lesbians are experts with bush.....err, bushes....and flowers, and stuff. You know, landscaping.

She has no wireless at her place yet, so I'm having to go down to the library to get online. So, dear readers, I hope to be back in blogland much more often. I was breaking out in hives from the withdrawls. TTFN!

P.S. The Locomotion have another home game this weekend, against the Memphis Belles. If you are in the area, come see us play (and hopefully beat them like we did a couple weeks ago on their field!) at 7:00 pm, Red Bank High School! GO LOCO!!

HNT~I Love the 80s

I am packing and moving today, and to keep my energy up I've been listening to my Motley Crue and Joan Jett stations on Pandora. I love any of the metal, hard rock, and glam bands from that era. =) And I have on my off-the-shoulder Hard Rock Cafe tshirt, so I'm feeling very 80s today! Enjoy the pics!

Plasma: Elixer of Life

Guess what?? I sold my plasma for the first time yesterday! It was definitely an interesting experience, I'll say that...I almost felt a little strange about selling a part of my body. Anyway, I went to the donation center with my ex, Karen, and a friend from my football team. Man, the first time you go there to donate is a looooooooonngg process! You have to get assessed for your HIV and blood-born illness risk, then get your weight checked, vital signs measured, and finger pricked for protein and iron levels. Then, if you pass those steps, you have to go talk to the nurse to get asked a bunch of medical questions and then get a mini-physical to check your general health and look for track marks. And sadly, after going through almost all the screening process, my football friend got denied because she has a genetic liver condition. She ended up waiting around for us for like 3 hours. =(

So after all that, they took me back onto the donation floor, where there are lots and lots of beds set up in bays with tv's on the walls. Well, they aren't exactly beds...more like a cross between a bed and an exam table. They are all ergonomically shaped for the donor's comfort. But trust me, I wasn't comfortable. The bed/table was fine, but the way I had to stretch my arm out wasn't that great. So anyway, the phlebotomist put the needle in the vein really smoothly. I was impressed. The needle stays in though, not like an I.V. which just has a little plastic thingy, so I couldn't bend or turn my arm at all.....it got all cramped up by the end, just from being in one position so long. After the needle, he attached all the tubes and bottles to the machine and started it up. Read more by clicking the little clicky-link below!

Justin Bieber, Again

I feel so dirty looking at this picture. 

Quote of the Day

"When you can't look on the bright side, I'll be sitting next to you in the dark."

Fun In The Park

Today was a good day. I've been talking to this adorable, intelligent, all-around fabulous boi lately, and she came to see me today! With one of her friends, which was ok, cuz the friend was funny. We spent all afternoon and some of the evening at Coolidge Park downtown, and I'm a little sunburnt, but it was totally worth it. We had ice cream, sat by the river, walked around on the grass, slid down a hill on cardboard (dirt down the shirt!), and ate at Good Dog before they had to drive back home. She's even cuter and more chivalrous in real life, and I had a great day after a long run of mostly crappy days. Thanks to my friend Ashley for hooking me up with her number! And thanks to The Boi for treating me to a fantastic afternoon.

In other news, the Locomotion lost our game against the Clarksville Fox 30-14. We sucked the whole game until the 4th quarter, when we finally trampled on them. It was just too late to turn the score around. I think we all have high hopes for the Memphis game coming up next week. Plus it's an away game. Everyone is excited about spending the night in Memphis, and one of my good friends on the team is celebrating a birthday while we are there. Wish us luck!

Justin Bieber Is So Dreamy

...and I think that my thinking that about a 15-year-old makes me a bad person. Oh well.

Why the Last 24 Hours Sucked Balls

**Disclaimer**

The following post is being written at 2:30 a.m. after a very frustrating day. It will likely contain harsh and vulgar language. If that offends you, please don't read it.

HNT~Pretty Little Me

I'm feeling so Springlike today! My back yard is absolutely verdant, full of happy little dandelions, big hummocks of soft new grass, wild onions, shepherd's purse, and a huge wild cherry tree all covered in frothy white blossoms. The warm, sunny weather and fresh-smelling breeze just begged me to take my clothes off! So I did.

Football Pics

I thought you might want to see what we look like. =) Oh, and this is just practice. We are way more awesome on the field.

How the Garden Grows, Pt. 3

Well, in short, it doesn't. I seem to have the touch of death for potted plants in general. I killed off a bunch of them last summer, and the one before, but it has finally started to sink in. I just cannot grow plants in confined spaces. I've never had this kind of trouble gardening in the dirt. I don't understand.

The adorable little sproutlets that I've been writing about? Mostly dead. Between alternately being dried out, and then left outside in an unforseen downpour, almost all of the brave little dears have succumbed. The only ones doing really well despite it all are the peppers. They are hardy little things. Most of the heirloom tomatoes are still alive, albeit looking very anemic. And then there are one or two grape tomatoes and parsley still clinging to life. I'd try to rush them into the soil (they are still in their germination planter), but we are thinking of moving closer to Karen's job. I just don't know what to do with them. I'd go ahead and put them in the big pots that I have, but like I said before, I've not had much luck keeping plants alive in them.

Also, I've been having some relationship difficulties of late. We are trying to work it out, but the good side to all of it is that I have been doing a lot of thinking about gender, desire, and such. I am still working on it, but I'll have a post up soon.

Oh! And women's football season is upon us! The Chattanooga Locomotion's first game is this coming Saturday at 7 pm! If you are in the area, please do come to Red Bank High School and watch the game...keeping an eye out for Yours Truly with a 53 on my jersey! Check out the Locomotion website for more info and game schedules. There's even a picture of me in the roster section!

Ennui

Hey guys. I am totally working on some stuff I want to blog about. Some of it is even kinda serious! Well, in a not-nekkid-pictures-or-funny-vids way. Anywho. I promise I will get around to it soon. I have no reason not to, other than the fact that I just really don't want to do much of anything at all these days.

HNT~Not So Naked

Hello, dear readers. Well, it's still Thursday, barely, and I just don't have anything nekkid and spicy lined up for you. However, you simply MUST check out Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. It's not naked, not at all, but it has provided me with hours of giggles and entertainment! Who doesn't like lesbians that look like 15-year-old boys? I know I love them, personally. I was just suprised there are SO DAMN MANY OF THEM!! Makes me feel almost a little pedophile-y to see 'em all. Hee. Here's one (ok, two) of my favorites (so hard to chose just one!) to give you an idea.

Does he not look like an adorable lesbian?

Does she not look like an adorable teenage boi?

Gay Bois Ate My Heart

Monster by David Fudge at fabulis from fabulis on Vimeo.

Fresh Energy

I saw this today on Funny or Die. I keep giggling to myself about it. Man, where can I get one of these?

Red Bull Energy Douche with Mandy Moore from Mandy Moore

How the Garden Grows, Pt. 2

This past week has been a checkered one in regards to my gardening efforts. First of all, I have more adorable little sproutlings! Now all of the seeds we started have sprouted. The jalapenos were slow to come up, and I had almost given up on the bell peppers altogether, but they finally decided to pop up for some fresh air! I'm so happy that all the little sprouts are growing well. In fact, I had to thin some out because I got a little heavy-handed with the thyme. Well--the seeds are tiny! You try getting just two or three seeds in each pot.

Now, on to the bad news. My stupid diva-cat Cher ATE some of the sprouts!! She actually beheaded them.  I was so upset! She only got a few of them, but I'm having to leave the plastic cover on the starter tray when I am out of the house so that she won't devour the rest.

Also, my compost pit has become a compost soup. It has rained here off and on for most of the last week, and my back yard has exceptionally bad drainage. It usually turns into a mini-pond back there when we get rain, but I put the compost pit at the very back of the yard where the ground is higher. I admit, I wasn't thinking about rain when I did it, but the puddles are never in that area. They are always right up near the house (wonderful, I know). But...I should have known. The soil in the yard is almost pure clay, which is probably why it drains so poorly. So yes, I went back to the compost pit to put in some new veggie scraps, oh I don't know, maybe Thursday or Friday. It wasn't raining at the time, and hadn't been for a long while, so I didn't expect what I found: a hole full of muddy water, with kitchen scraps and yard clippings drifting sadly in it. I am at a loss. I think I have to declare this compost pit a failure, and think about building a bin.

Spring...it's on the ground.

Well, it's definitely Spring. Despite the fact that it has been rainy for the last half-week, I see the signs! For instance, the tree in my front yard (some kind of deciduous tree...not an oak...) bloomed yesterday. I came home and the little blossomy bits were all over the sidewalk. And the irises that are planted around the tree are coming up. Can't wait for them to bloom! Oh, and I saw daffodils yesterday! Daffodils! I just love Spring.

HNT~Michelle Rodriguez

Yay! This is where I get to put up more half-naked pictures! And for today's viewing pleasure, I give you.......Michelle Rodriguez!

What? Not naked, you say? No, maybe not, but she is the most heavenly creature in that dress! I really don't go for girly-girls, but I seriously heart M.Rod. Maybe it's because in most of her movies, she is dirty and/or angry most of the time? I mean, this woman has a stellar snarl. Even her mug shots are kinda hot (which probably says something unflattering about what I find hot...). Anyway, here are a couple more pics, including one dirty one.

Ha ha, this dirty picture wasn't what you were expecting, huh?

Bunnies!

Spring has been in the air all week so far. That's one of the reasons I have been neglecting this blog; I'd rather be outside in the balmy air (Monday was 73 degrees!), murmuring sweet nothings to the precious little sprouts, than inside writing about it. I also started a compost pit this week! Sadly, I haven't had a whole lot of compostables to put in it, but one can hope.

Today isn't so beautiful. It's grey, overcast, and only in the 50's, but that still feels warm compared to the preceeding few weeks. Whatever. I still feel the vernal vibes! And in keeping with that, here's a picture I found yesterday. I love it to death! It's my desktop wallpaper at the moment. The title alone is enough to make anyone feel a little happier.

Goldylocks & the Sunshine Bunnies!! Sounds like a band, doesn't it? I adore it. This image comes from Viona Art, a wonderful photographer who does "Fairytale Photography and Costume Design." Most of her work is deliciously dark, but I found a few pretty little confections, and I just had to share the Sunshine Bunnies with you today. Happy Pre-Spring!

How the Garden Grows, Pt. 1

I love plants! I especially love planting things that I can eat later, although I tolerate flowers and other frivolous plants as well. So, about a week ago, Karen and I bought a peat-moss starter tray and a bunch of seeds: basil, cilantro, thyme, parsley, grape tomatoes, jalapenos, green peppers, and regular-sized heirloom tomatoes. Hmmmmm...not a lot of variety, now that I look at the list. Mainly peppers, tomatoes, and stuff to season them with. Oh well. If all goes as planned, we'll probably get some more plants and/or seeds.

Anyway, we started the seeds about a week ago, and almost all of them have sprouted already! I'm so excited. Today was sunny and warmer (50-ish), so when I got home from my sewing job, I set the tray outside in the sun and gave the sprouts a little pep talk. They are so adorable and happy-looking! I'm so thrilled to be growing things. Especially food, as I mentioned.

Can't wait for Karen to go get some things out of her storage unit in a couple weeks--she's bringing back a tiller! Hurray! Because let me tell you, the ground in our lawn is rock-hard. Spring can't come soon enough. I am just itching to get out in the dirt and start the garden up.

HNT~Half-Nekkid Thursday

I am an enthusiastic supporter of HNT. It's great: just titillating enough to be fun, but not so graphic as to be traumatizing. And so, without further ado, I present my half-nekkid offering of the week.

I figured that I should have myself up before I start gleefully revealing other sexy, partially-clad creatures. Plus it has been so freakin' cold here lately that I when I found this picture of me sunning in the back yard last summer, I had to use it. It was great fun...Karen (my girlfriend) was appalled that I would be outside topless. Relax, I was on my stomach most of the time and none of the neighbors were outside! And now I have a picture to remind myself that yes, it actually does get warm enough to be outside without clothes.

Because HNT just isn't the same without a hot butch with minimal clothing.

Rage Against The Machine

I. Am. So. Frustrated!!

Let me back up: I have a lovely little internship at a shop called Retro Mercantile. We specialize in unique, handmade clothing and accessories, as well as doing custom dresses, costumes, etc. Anything that I sew, I get to sell in the store for a commission. I really enjoy it...I get paid to sew and be generally artsy two or three times a week. What's not to love, you say? The stupid sewing machines, that's what!

First mine broke several weeks ago. I was using it to my great satisfaction at home one day, but alas! after being transported to the shop later that morning, it stopped working properly. The tension was out of whack, and no amount of dial-fiddling or unplugging or rethreadding could get it fixed. A friend says the same thing happened to hers, which is the same make and model as mine. Hmmmmm.

Then last week, I was using my boss's machine at the shop, when it suddenly locked up. We are lucky to have a former sewing maching repairman who does construction in the building. He looked at it, oiled it, and got it running perfectly again, only to have the tensioner die while my boss was using it the next day! That's three of the same brand of machines that I know of that have had the tensioner break. I smell a manufacturing defect! However, I somehow doubt that the maker of said machines will see it that way.

So I sat around at work today, doing mostly nothing. I cut out the pieces for a new project, and priced some new items to sell, and hunted around online for project inspiration. Other than that...not much. For having done nothing but kill time, I am surprisingly worn out. Eh.

On a lighter note, when I was trolling for broken sewing machine pictures, look what I found:

I must have this adorable little beastie! 

Hello Daddy, Hello Mom!

Well, there are definitely some good things that come out of being unemployed and/or barely employed. One of those perks is the fact that I have loads of time on my hands most days, particularly since my car and sewing machine are both broken.

In that free time, I've taken to reading blogs. Most of the ones I follow are fabulous, touching, entertaining, funny, or instructive--or all of the above. So here's my offering to the Gods of Blog. It might be ho-hum, irritating, boring, sad, or decidedly unhelpful, but I hope not. Mostly it'll probably be random bits and bobs that strike my fancy in some way. Here goes!